Leon emailed me over the weekend and also noted in his blog that Chester died. I was saddened by the news, but it’s been almost two years since I moved to Prague and, as Leon wrote, Chester really ceased being mine when I developed an allergy to the guinea pigs, so I feel pretty detached from it. You should read his post about it, but I’m writing about it because I still loved those pigs.

It seems heartless to write about anything else, but I want to address the concerns that I’ve started my latest diet for the wrong reason. Rest assured that I can see your point of view, and I am trying hard not to expect anything from David. Quite honestly, I can’t imagine losing enough weight for him to consider me dateable. The next time that he and I talk, I may just ask him how much weight he foresees me losing, but, even without asking, I can imagine that his idea would have me at least 50 pounds lighter (even if he doesn’t realize that’s just how much it needs to be), and even if I lost the completely unrealistic 2 pounds a week, that’d take me 6 months. And that wouldn’t leave much time for dating, as he’s planning to leave Prague at the end of the year—that came up in the diet conversation:

He said, “If you lost some weight, I’d like for you to be my girlfriend,” and then asked something like, “Does that excite you?”

My response was to ask for the logistics, because I thought he was leaving Prague in a couple of months. He said he plans to extend his stay until the end of 2009, if he can continue to keep his free apartment. Still, though, it’s going to take me too long.

Anyway, I don’t think that my mistake in this matter is that I am improperly motivated. Anything that will excite me about exercising and losing weight is a good thing. It’s sort of like the idea that a good deed done for the wrong reason is still a good deed. No, what’s misguided about this is that I have already felt my prior attachment to David returning, and it’s worrisome. He’s almost mine, but not quite; I do one thing, and he could be mine. But he’s still considering himself single (hell, I still have a boyfriend), and, until I’ve dropped an enormous amount of weight, he’ll probably still pursue other women. (And I have noted that his revelation about my date-ability came right after I told him that I’m in an open relationship, and I have a feeling that he will want that same arrangement for himself, so dating David probably wouldn’t be an improvement on my current situation.)

I open myself up to get hurt, but I am also motivated and remembering all those times in my life that I thought that the only reason I was undesirable was my weight. I am full of flaws but people are more forgiving of those things if you’re thin and beautiful. Why can’t I just do this one thing that I’ve wanted so much and for so long?

I ordered one of the books that David suggested, but it’ll take a while to arrive, so I looked for random diet books in a second-hand English bookshop today during my lunch but didn’t find any. I made a doctor’s appointment for Friday morning and I will ask if I can be referred to a dietician and ask about testing my thyroid (like she wanted to do months before, because I think it was enlarged). And I’m going to a new gym today with Caroline.

This all could flop; almost every time I’ve set out to lose weight, I’ve lost motivation and given in to my slothful, gluttonous tendencies. But this time, I really want it. I just have to be able to stick to it even if David realizes that he can have the hot, thin girlfriend without going through all of this. If that happens, my natural inclination would probably be to bury my face in a piece of meringue pie.

Ok, a whole pie. Several pies. But perhaps I can use his support and motivation and come out of this with someone who loves me for me, at any size. Actually, Chris is that kind of guy. Maybe if I lose some weight and he betters himself as he thinks he can with this open relationship, we’ll come out of this as a happier, closer couple.

But, the most likely outcome is that I’ll lose 10 pounds and give up. David will replace me and I’ll be devastated. And I will finally be fed up enough with Chris to find some other European putz to pass the time with.

I dreamt about our pet guinea pigs last night, which basically means that I had nightmares last night because all of my dreams about the pigs are unpleasant. When I dream about the pigs, I am filled with worry, mostly, that they're unsafe or sick or lost.

In last night's dream, each of them was being kept in a tiny cage and they were lethargic and sick from lack of exercise. I instructed someone to help me build a larger cage, which resulted in more worry, as the new cage had lots of potential for the pigs to hurt themselves by falling from steep perches.

I was relieved to wake up and find that everything was as it should be.

Over the weekend, I snapped some pictures of Leon holding the pigs, so I thought I'd share my favorites.

Louis:



( Two more )

Anyway, I think they're cute little guys. I just hope they don't haunt my dreams again tonight.

This website has a picture of Chester and a picture of Milo on it. How strange!

Well, it's not that strange. These pictures were on the Cavy Spirit rescue website to show them off to potential adopters. They are probably the first images that we saw of Milo and Chester, and I snagged them before they were taken off the rescue page.

So, some guinea pig enthusiast happened to find those pictures when she was making her photo gallery. It's not that strange.

…But when you find a picture of your pet on someone else's website, you tell me that it doesn't make you doubletake.

I think that Louis stole a carrot from Chester and Milo this morning. This is most impressive if you know that Louis is separated from the other two, and, while they can touch noses, they can't wrestle with or intimidate each other.

Anyway, I gave the boys carrots this morning, which will surely disappoint Leon because carrots (and all their sugar-filled goodness) are a "sometimes food." This is the second time that they've had carrots since Leon left.

Anyway, I broke up two carrots and gave one big hunk to Louis and some smaller bits to Milo and Chester. Louis picked his up and scurried into his house with it. The other two cheerfully munched in separate corners, and I left the room to go brush my teeth.

When I came back, Chester was working on a carrot that was sticking halfway through the bars on Louis' side of the partition. I pulled it through to Chester's side and moved it away from the bars. "Louis is going to get that if you're not careful," I said to him.

And then I noticed that Louis was frantically trying to put away another bit of carrot that may or may not have been the one that I gave him. I figured that it had to be a different piece, though, because that piece was taken into the security of his house whereas this piece was being eaten outside on a pile of hay. It's highly doubtful that Louis would have brought the carrot out of his safe little house just so he could munch comfortably on a bed of hay.

So, Louis is a clever little veggie thief. It's not terribly surprising, as he can eat what the other two eat combined and still mope around looking for more. Maybe Chester was taking pity on him and trying to sneak him treats through the bars. No wonder carrots are a "sometimes food"--they're one of the few veggies that can fit so easily through the cage bars.

I have been a basket case most of this week but I've been reminding myself how to deal with stress better. Major issues have revolved around the wedding, including the bridesmaid dress, the chuppah (I'll explain later), and the fact that several people who mean a lot to me are not going to attend.

Anyway, Leon sent me a couple of pictures that brightened my day, and I thought I'd share them.





The first is Louis and the second is Chester. You can somewhat see Milo hiding out behind Chester. That's about as much as anyone ever sees him.

1. Are you a dog or cat person? A dog person. Cats are cute, but the dependence of dogs can make you feel loved. I'm also a guinea pig person.

2. How many pets do you have? 3 guinea pigs: Louis, Chester, and Milo. My parents have a cocker spaniel named Phil that sort of feels like my pet, because they got him before I left home.

3. What’s the best thing about your pets? The best thing about Chester is that he has such a big personality. People who watch our pigcam are most entertained by him, because he's so active. He's also been through a lot (a rescue pig who had to have surgery), but he's just a complete sweetheart. The best thing about Louis is that he absolutely adores Leon and is completely territorial of him. He's extremely cute when Leon plays with him and looks pissed off the rest of the time. The best thing about Milo is that he's so docile. He gets along with both Chester and Louis and is very easy to hold and play with. He's also freakin' cute.

4. What’s the weirdest thing your pet has done? Louis used to sit on top of his house, which we thought was very odd. Milo's weirdness is mostly that he's afraid of anything that moves. Not much is weird about Chester other than him humping Milo, but that's not particularly weird. Louis humps Milo's head, so I'd say he has that beat.

5. Plans for any more pets? No. I would love to have a dog at some point, but the thought of losing a pet frequently outweighs any thoughts of actually wanting one. Plus, our set up right now isn't suitable for a dog--maybe in five years.

Chester is at the vet right now, being anesthetized and losing part of his face.

Leon noticed yesterday that the area around his stitches was leaking pus, despite Chester being on antibiotics and leaving the wound alone. The doctor told Leon this morning that a lot of the skin had died and would have to come off. We'll be given a balm to keep the area clean and I guess it will scab over and grow new skin.

As horrified as I was of the gash on his face last Saturday, I can honestly say that this is the first time I've seriously considered that he may not live through this. I'm trying to push that to the back of my mind, though, because the guilt would be just too much.

When I called my mom this morning regarding her e-mail about my great grandma, I mentioned Chester. She said, "Maybe it's time to put Chester to sleep," and I was outraged. I would never, ever euthanize a pet that I thought could survive the ailment--not unless he was suffering. And certainly not because it's expensive, which was my mom's objection.

I know she's also thinking that it's just a guinea pig. She doesn't understand. To tell the truth, I couldn't understand before I owned one. I remember when my sister's (ex-)boyfriend lost a ferret a few years ago, and I couldn't see why he was so upset about it. Sure, it was sad, but this guy was devastated. His eyes were puffy from crying. How could someone care so much about a rodent, I wondered.

But I get it now. Louis, Chester, and Milo are part of my family. I love them. They're sweet and innocent, and they can cheer me up just by poking their noses out of the cage. My mom doesn't understand.

I also wonder if she euthanized the family greyhound (Boston) before it was time, because of expenses. She and my dad would take Boston to the vet and tell us that the doctor had no explanation for Boston wasting away. After she was put to sleep, I discovered that she had throat cancer--not some mystery disease. Maybe they had been advised that the chance of survival was small, and they had to decide based on that. But I can't understand why they wouldn't try everything.

I don't want to villanize my parents. They did what they thought was best, and that's what I'm doing for Chester. He may be just a guinea pig, but I love him. I'll do whatever it takes to help him recover.

A horrible thing happened Saturday night. At one point, I was on my knees in the bathroom crying, because I felt like such a stupid, stupid person--one who caused someone she loves great pain.

That someone is Chester, one of our guinea pigs. And the stupid, stupid thing I did was leaving him unattended with Louis, one of our two other guinea pigs.

( Back story here. )

Louis bit Chester. To put it more graphically, Louis ripped off part of Chester's face, so that the skin was hanging. It was horrifying, and Leon and I screamed and panicked and ran to a 24-hour pharmacy to find the tools to fix Chester.

When we returned, Leon began cleaning the wound, and I called the vet. Rather than wait until morning to call, I decided to leave a message so they could get us in first thing in the morning. Fortunately, in my search for our vet's number, I found a website devoted to emergency animal care, and off the three of us went--Leon, Chester, and I--to this emergency vet facility.

When we got inside, there was a woman wearing a sweatshirt that was covered in blood. Behind the counter was a Dachsund mix, dripping blood. The vet sent the woman away because she didn't have the money to pay for their services. From us, they eventually extracted $366.

For $366, Chester got stitches. He had to be put out, because the laceration was so close to his eye. But in less than ninety minutes, he was good to go. And Leon and I were so thankful.

The whole time we waited for the vet, Leon was petting Chester, and Chester was squeaking happily. I know he had to be in pain, because when Leon and the vet touched the cut, he squealed and tried to get away. But otherwise, he was such a trooper. It made me feel even worse.

Although a lot of vets will say that male guinea pigs shouldn't be together unless one is neutered, we had an expert introduce Louis to Chester (and Milo), and they got along swimmingly. She had never before seen pigs get along and then start fighting, but I guess there's a first time for everything. We'll obviously be contacting her about these developments.

And the pigs are once again separated. It's sad that Louis can't have companionship, but it's even sadder that we compromised Chester's safety so that Louis could try to have companionship.

I feel terrible. I will forever see that scar on Chester's face and think about what a terrible thing I did when my gut told me not to.

Chester and Louis are separated. Leon put a partition in the middle of the cage. We put Milo with Chester, because they've always been together, but he's been lying as close as he can to Louis. Louis is doing the same.

It's absolutely adorable the way they're trying to be close to each other. Even Chester's gotten into the action and was sniffing at Louis' butt through the bars.

Upon further inspection of the bloody nose, we decided that it was probably a scratch and not a bite. We also think that maybe it wasn't a fight because of dominance but because they're irritable. And we think they're irritable because we've been leaving the light on in their room at night.

So, the light was out last night. Chester is healing. And we're going to re-introduce them this weekend.

Chester had a bloody nose this morning. We think that Louis bit him.

Actually, we're pretty sure that Louis bit him, as Leon thought a chunk of flesh was missing from Chester's nose. He called the vet and is treating the nose with antibacterial soap. The pigs have also been separated with Chester and Milo in one half of the cage and Louis in the other.

When we first got Chester (and Milo), the dominance issue was resolved within a few weeks, and Louis became top pig. But now that Chester is recovering from his skin infection, I think that he's asserting himself more and they have to re-establish who is dominant. I'm hoping that the bloody nose was the result of a scratch during perfectly innocent dominance activities and not a bite from Louis.

The difference is that one is just an accident and the other may result in them being permanently separated.

Poor little Chester. He's just been having a hell of a time.

The victim:



Bitey McBites-a-lot:



ETA: Leon posted in the guinea pig community here, if any of you wanted to see the picture of the bloody nose.

Leon and I went to a guinea pig rescue in San Mateo on Saturday and met the woman who runs such websites as Cavy Cages and Cavy Spirit and who is basically known as the online expert of all guinea pig-related topics.

She was very nice, and she helped us introduce Louis to Milo and Chester, two pigs that are about Louis' age. After much pooping, squeaking, and humping, Louis proved that he could co-habitate with Milo and Chester.

So, we now have two new guinea pigs.

As some of you know, Leon and I have been wanting to get Louis a companion ever since we originally got him, but we were talked out of it by oh-so-many pet store employees and guinea pig books. Guess they were wrong.

Already, Louis seems happier and is much more active. This might also be due to the fact that we extended his cage and it is now freaking huge. We are not unlike the hamster-owning family in Garden State--with a huge part of our abode dedicated to rodent habitation.

Anyway, here are the boys.

First, Milo:


And this is Chester:


And, of course, Louis: