My scale is a piece of crap. I was on it four times this morning and each time, I weighed a different amount. And it’s not like it varied by a hundredth or even a tenth of a pound. No, it was about five pounds difference between the extremes. I guess it’s a great tool for giving someone a ballpark figure of their weight, but it really fails to have the precision I was aiming for by buying a digital scale.

I went to the post office today to pick up my modem. This is the modem that I only knew was at the post office because I went to Telefonica O2, my fantastic internet provider, and they told me it had been delivered and was waiting for me there. But they had delivered it to the wrong address and by today, it was no longer being held at the post office. It was sent back to O2.

So I called O2 and left a message. They phoned back and apologized and said they would send me a new modem to the correct address. Unfortunately, they would need to cancel my appointment on Friday because they had scheduled the appointment at the wrong address as well and rather than have the guy come to my new apartment, it has to be canceled and rescheduled.

No, it doesn’t make sense to me either. Anyway, they said they’d get back to me.

Yeah, right.

So, I think I will wait until Monday and go see them in person, provided they haven’t contacted me before then but I think we all know that they won’t have. So, by Monday, I should have my new modem or, at least, the package slip from the post office, and I can set something up, hopefully some time next week or, hell, even on Friday but we all know that’s not going to happen.

I contacted the cable internet provider again. I’m not sure if I’ve written about them before but I’m keeping my fingers crossed that they can help me. They’re not as English-friendly as O2, though, so getting a connection from them may be just as difficult as O2. I’m now on Day 16 with no internet. Bravo.

Because the three and a half months that I was not allowed to leave the Czech Republic are still fresh in my mind, I am trying to start my visa renewal process now. Actually, I tried to start it more than a month ago, but the woman in charge of my case was unresponsive until late last week. I have until the end of February to renew my visa, so I should be all right. But something that sucks is that it will only be renewed for three months, because that’s when my work permit expires. So almost immediately after I finish the process, I have to restart it again. This strikes me as incredibly shitty but it’s completely out of my control.

So the woman wrote to me today and told me all of the 75 million documents (ok, more like 6) that I need to renew my visa—all of which I will have to replicate in another three months, including my lease, which cannot be older than 6 months, so the one benefit to my having to start this process again in a couple of months is that I won’t have to track down my landlord and make him sign a form, which he never did for me a year ago. Ugh. Anyway, this woman wrote to me and said that one of the things I need is a copy of my medical card, which I don’t have.

I’ve been working here for over a year now, and, as far as I can tell, I am not insured. I suppose that I am technically, but I have yet to use my medical insurance for anything, because I have no proof of it. All of my antidepressants? Out of pocket. That surgery I had in September? Out of pocket.

Yes, it sucks. And when I finally am insured, I will have to change my psychiatrist so that I am covered by my insurance, and changing a mental health provider is one of the most annoying things in the world. So I may just continue to pay out of pocket, although that would be remarkably stupid in the long run.

Anyway, I brought this insurance card issue to the attention of our HR-type guy (we’re too small to have an HR department, really), which I should have done sooner. He assumed that I had the card; I assumed that it just took absurdly long (really, I’ve only been expecting it since July because that’s when I had all of my legal paperwork) and I was being patient by not asking. But I am finally getting a medical card and should have it in a few weeks, so that I will begin the renewal process by the beginning of January. See, this is why I’ve started early. Already I’ve lost two months over things that are out of my control. Yes, I’ve used that phrase twice now. These things are not in my control.

Something else that ranks on my scale of recent annoyances is my lease agreement. I’m signing a new one and should have signed it last week, but I was reading it over and noticed that it failed to mention my deposit. My previous landlord ripped me off in regards to the deposit and even tried to claim that I hadn’t paid one, so I will absolutely make sure that this contract mentions it. It was more than two months’ rent, so I would be devastated if I didn’t see that money again. So my landlord is writing it into the new contract, but I really wonder if this was an honest oversight or an attempt to screw me. He seems like a nice guy but I’m skeptical after what happened before.

Finally, last night my power went out. I was gaming with Chris, Leon, and Sam, and then everything went black. I went to my fuse box and flipped all of the switches but nothing happened. So I went out into the hall but I couldn’t turn the light on out there either. I peeked out of the windows and it looked like the whole block was out. I texted Chris to let him know why I lost my connection, and he wrote back with the same thing I was thinking: “Czechs…”

I was very annoyed and just padding around in the darkness, so I called him, and he didn’t answer in three rings, so I hung up. And he dialed back. I mention this because it makes me wonder if it is intentional—it’s very sweet if it is, his paying for the call instead of me. Then again, I only gave him three rings to avoid his voicemail and maybe that wasn’t enough.

Regardless, he talked to me for a few minutes and asked if I had an emergency utility contact, and I said, “Of course not,” so he started looking one up for me, and it was just so sweet to have him to talk to as I paced around in the darkness, partially annoyed, partially scared. And, within a few minutes, the power came back on, and everything was fine. And I thanked him and told him that I loved him, and he said it back, and, in that moment, I felt so amazingly grateful to have him.

Really, there are so many annoying things that happen and feel out of my control, but having Chris makes everything feel so much nicer. (I know. Gag, right?)

Today has been emotionally exhausting, and that's largely my own damn fault. The bulk of said emotional exhaustion was the result of my causing an argument (if you can call it that) with Chris. I was being really moody and negative last night, and he didn’t want to talk to me because of it so he signed off of Skype in a huff. I sent him two text messages and called, which is when I discovered that he had turned off his phone, so I moved on to email.

I eventually had to admit to myself that he was not going to answer last night, and I should go to bed. So I did. When I woke up in the morning, I checked to see if he had contacted me, but he had not. So I texted him and then called. No response.

I was very concerned that he was going to break up with me because he had never been so unresponsive before. I also found it difficult to concentrate on other things because I hate having things that are unresolved. I called him again when I got to work, and he didn’t answer but called back immediately. So either he missed picking up in the three rings before his voicemail picked up or he didn’t want me to pay for the call.

And, in a nutshell, everything is fine. He said to me that I “underestimate the stability of our relationship” and that he’s willing to work through things with me. He admitted that he was angry last night but he isn’t now, but I still need to be more positive and work on these things because it’s not fun when I act that way. He’s right about everything, and I’m grateful that he can tolerate my being temperamental, even though I hate it as much as he does.

So: relief, gratitude, adoration. Everything is fine.

But then I noticed that someone I had had a summer fling with had unfriended me on Facebook, so I sent him a message to ask why. He tried to play it off as a systematic cleansing of the people on his friends list that he doesn’t communicate with (anymore), but I know him well enough to know that he does not keep up with well more than half of the other 300 people on his list. Which is to say: bullshit. Besides, this guy also maintains two dummy accounts for some of the Facebook games and I was friends with both of them…until today. So he was systematically cleansing his friends list and the friends lists of these two fake people? I doubt it. Unless he was systematically cleansing them of me.

My guess is that he saw all of the karaoke photos that I added of me and Chris looking happy together, and he decided that our fling was flung and had no hope of revival. So he cast me out of his 300.

Anyway, I sent him a message about it, and he responded. We wrote back and forth a few times and started rehashing our relationship/friendship, which was exhausting. He didn’t think that I ended things in a polite way, to say the least. But I’m not going to rehash it again. Once today was enough. Suffice to say that it was more than I wanted to deal with.

Next was my sister. She had up a Facebook status update about how she’s finished all of her Christmas shopping, and I responded, “Scary!” She wrote back something about all the presents being wrapped and so on, and I made some flippant remark about how she’ll probably end up buying more stuff because she’ll find more things before the 25th. Which is exactly what I would end up doing. And I just meant it to be funny; I can see how it could be misinterpreted, and, of course, it was.

She responded with this, “Sounds like you have an attitude or that you are a little bitter about something. I have no time to shop with kids, school, work, wedding, etc. I won't be buying anything else. If you have nothing nice to comment about then please say nothing. I don't want negativity! I love you all the same!”

So I deleted my comment. I wrote back something about how I hadn’t meant it to sound negative but I didn’t really feel like explaining myself and then I deleted that too. She changed her status to something about how she is annoyed by negative people—why can’t people just be happy for one day!?

I commented on that that she shouldn’t assume the worst and should take things more positively but that it was okay because “I love her anyway!” which was really bitchy of me. She deleted it. Figures. She’ll get over it. I’m not going to bother trying to fix it.

Finally, I had to make a key during my lunch hour for my landlord. There are two main doors to my apartment building and one has a new lock that he didn’t have a copy of. Actually, when I saw him last month, I gave him my spare set of keys and then I had to make a copy of this key for him. Why? Why the fuck am I making copies of keys for my landlord? How in the hell is that my responsibility? Will he reimburse me for this service? I doubt it.

If nothing else, it was a pain in the ass to find a place that would make the key. I went to one key maker who wouldn’t even do it. He looked at the key and decided it wasn’t possible and I was briefly irritated that my landlord asked the one non-native Czech in the building to do his bidding. That makes absolutely no sense. Or am I missing something?

Anyway, I have the damn key now to give to him. So everything is settled: Chris and I are in love and good; the fling has unfriended me but it may be for the best because I don’t need drama; my sister is peeved at me but she’ll get over it; I have the fucking key for my lazy landlord. I am, however, really goddamn exhausted.

I woke up this morning to the sound of construction in my building. I got up and went into the bathroom, where I discovered that whoever was doing this construction had turned off the water. Which makes today the second time in ten days that my water has been shut off.

The last time that it was turned off, someone had posted a notice on my building's door to let us know ahead of time that it would not be operational. It still annoys me greatly when the water is off (it's been off 5-6 times since I moved into this apartment in January), but at least I know in advance. Today? No warning.

I tried to find the men doing the construction work so I could ask them when it'd be turned back on--I'm a bit horrified at the thought that they'll forget to turn it back on and I'll be without water for the weekend or longer--but they didn't answer the door of the apartment they're working on when I knocked.

Also, the construction, in and of itself, is incredibly annoying. Last spring, they were working on this same apartment for a couple of weeks and I would wake up to buzzing and hammering on Saturday and Sunday mornings. And, of course, no one notified me in any way of this construction.

Chris will be here next weekend to celebrate his 30th birthday, and I pray we don't have a repeat of last spring's noise. Couple that with the water turned off, and he may think twice about dating someone who's willingly living in such a hellhole.

But his opinion of the Czech Republic is already incredibly low, so I imagine that this would scarcely faze him. And that sort of indifference might be well-earned. I mean, this is Eastern Europe. How could I possibly expect to have running water at regular intervals? That's just crazy!

I spilled coffee on my keyboard earlier today and took out the B and N keys as well as the spacebar. I've been given a replacement keyboard, but these keys are incredibly sticky. Presumably, the last person to use it spilled coffee on it.

I am in a bad mood and having a rather shitty day but nothing terrible has happened; mostly, it's things like the spilled coffee. For instance, I went to the store to buy some toothpaste and deodorant, and I gave the clerk 2000 crowns to pay for it. That's a big bill, and I can understand being a little annoyed, but guess what! That's her job!

I worked retail a couple of times, and I can tell you that it's not the end of the world when someone *gasp* expects you to make change! Besides, what change did I need from that? Four bills and two coins. Is that really so difficult?

It must've been, because she gave me a horrible, evil look and just stood there, like she expected me to take it back. No, lady, that's all I have.

This past weekend, Chris was marveling at how lazy some of the Czech work force is. He said that you'd never get away with that in Austria. You'd never get away with it in any civilized country. But a lot of people here are completely apathetic about working. You walk into a store and they often don't even look at you--forget greeting or helping you. They just continue to sulk in the back corner.

It is damn annoying.

So this woman wanted to make sure that I knew that I was severely inconveniencing her by asking her to do her job. And, believe me, I know it. And there's nothing I can do about it, you lazy, lazy woman.

Anyway, this sort of venting should be good for me but not when I'm doing it on such a sticky keyboard so forget it.

I went to see a meditative art therapist yesterday. I liked the therapy and the idea of the meditation, but I could’ve done without the art.

The therapist--a 50ish American woman-- talked with me for about 45 minutes about my circus of a life, and she was warm and receptive. Then we moved on to the meditation, and she turned on some music and had me close my eyes. She read to me off of a piece of paper about a ball of energy at the base of my spine. This wasn’t what I was expecting from the meditation—I thought I’d be imagining myself lying on a beach or something relaxing, not some cuckoo new age baloney.

Anyway, I tried to go along with it, but it was hard for me, especially because she sounded like she was reading and going much too fast for me to visualize my energy balls moving around and all that shit.

Then she whipped out some crayons and a piece of paper and told me to draw my energy experience, so I drew a peach-colored stick person with spirals of purple, blue, and green all over my body, except for my hands and the top of my head, which had sparklers of purple shooting out of them. I showed my drawing to her, and she seemed satisfied. She told me that purple is the color of transition, which is certainly fitting.

I made another appointment to see her next week, and I may ask her if we can bypass the coloring. My homework is to make a list of things that “excite” me. My first thought was to make a list of different foods, because, really, just saying “food” doesn’t allow me to explain the different emotions I feel in regards to lasagna, brownies, and Frosted Mini Wheats. Plus, if she thinks this could be made into something productive, like a cooking class, it’s important to note just how happy fast food makes me and that is not something I can replicate in my kitchen.

I intend to see my thieving ex-landlord tonight. Considering that his SMS to me was written in Czech (and all of our previous communications have been in English), I’m expecting him to be even more difficult than previously thought. I may arrive with a pack of scary Arab men who can rough him up if it doesn’t go well. (Kidding! But I do want Fouad with me if only because the anxiety of this is already too much to bear. And, no, Fouad and I are not back together.)